Dear Money,
I miss you
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It seems like I’ve been a stay at home mom forever now. My kids are the lights of my life, and getting laid off was the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m going to put this out there anyway. I miss having money. I miss making it, spending it, and having some leftover to save.
My husband is amazing and provides more than enough for us. We have everything we need, and I am tremendously grateful for him and the financial security his job provides. The bills always get paid on time; we have a roof over our heads and plenty of food to eat. I have nothing to complain about and feel like such a brat for wanting more.
Some days, I just miss having extra money.
If I’m completely candid, I miss making my own money. I miss spending it frivolously on my kids and taking my husband out to dinner once in a while because I can. I miss buying new shoes when my feet start to hurt without having to budget for them in my Mint app.
I miss not having to think about money so much.
When we decided I would stay home, I was more than happy (and the first) to cut out any extra stuff. I saw the value in being home with my kids when they were little and was willing to sacrifice anything I had to save money each month.
I miss getting up in the morning and going to work.
Did I really just say that?
I miss putting makeup on and getting a paycheck every two weeks. I miss coming home to my family and enjoying the weekend together. I miss having help with the kids and having an opportunity to work. Maybe this post isn’t about spending twelve dollars for a burrito bowl at Chipotle and feeling guilty about it. Okay, perhaps a little. I did get double meat.
Don’t judge me.
It’s not the money I miss after all. It’s my longing to have a life outside of being a mom. Being a stay at home mom has been one hell of a learning experience — and the best thing that ever happened to me. I am so close to the phase where both kids are in school all day that I’ve been thinking a lot about what the hell I’m doing with my life. I don’t have babies to take care of anymore. I want to have a job to be part of my identity again.
