I went to visit a friend today. Here’s the thing, this friend and I had an epic falling out a few years ago. The blow was so detrimental to our friendship that I didn’t think we would ever recover.
I’m still not completely confident we will.
Thirty Years Of Friendship In A Nut Shell
We were inseparable from the ages of six and eight. We celebrated every birthday, holiday and, milestone together. Somehow we managed to include one another in everything we did. We saw each other through elementary school, puberty, high school, first jobs, first loves, breakups, car accidents, marriage, and motherhood. We’ve gulped gallons of beer together, made each other laugh until we cried and had a good thing going for a long time.
The only thing we hadn’t been through together was death.
I started to think about the people in my life and what it would be like to go to their funerals. These types of thoughts seem inevitable when you have a job like mine. My mind continued to wander through thirty years of memories with this particular friend. I was left feeling sad about leaving things the way they were. I decided to reach out.
Our communication has been touch-and-go for years. I’ll admit, I haven’t put the effort I used to into our friendship.
We both needed a break.
I can’t speak for her, but I know for damn sure I needed time to heal myself. I needed space to reflect on what I want out of life and who I want on that journey with me.
I spent the rest of my time trying to keep my ego in check.
I don’t have the energy to hang on to shitty things of the past anymore. I had to start letting go of what happened between us and why it hurt so much.
My ego wasn’t the only thing to blame. But I realized it was the only thing I truly had control over.
With my thirty-year friendship in mind, I came up with a list that has helped me to heal.
How To Starve Your Ego (And Feed Your Soul Instead)
- Let shit go.
- See the good in people.
- Work on yourself before trying to navigate another relationship.
- Deflect toxicity like a damn shield.
- Love. Always love.
- Practice compassion.
- Say sorry and mean it.
- Discover what your boundaries are and follow through with them in the healthiest way possible.
- Don’t take things personally.
- Accept responsibility for staying emotionally safe and sound.
- Acknowledge your pain and why it hurts.
- Then grow from that pain.
- Be honest.
- Be quiet.
- Be vulnerable.
- Write a lot.
- Don’t try to control anything but yourself.
- Know your worth.
- Give as much as you’re comfortable with without expecting something in return.
I wish I could say for sure where our friendship was headed. I’d be lying if I told you I had faith in her being a better friend this time around. We still have a lot to work through. Between you and me, I’m not feeling great about getting close to her again.
My point is, no one really knows what’s going to happen next. That’s why I refuse to waste my time doing anything but good and loving any less than I’m capable of.
Starve your ego, feed your soul. The rest isn’t up to you.
Thank you for listening.❤ D
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